I know the verse and I know the promise that God is giving me. But so often I'm too busy feeling undeserving of it to actually enjoy it. The confusion and hurt doesn't seem to lessen after reading these words. Right now, they feel more like salt on a wound. They are just a reminder of the pain. Before I was perfectly capable of hiding it somewhere I could forget about it. Every time I think I've gotten past it all, I'm reminded that I've simply just gotten good at ignoring it, but I haven't actually let myself heal. I want that peace. I want to stop feeling insecure because of it. So all I can do right now is pray and wait for that day that God will ease the pain in my heart.
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